User Avatar KopaDec 06, 2020

How to Navigate Your Negative Emotions Toward a Positive Response

Negative emotions are part of life—yet most of us try to bottle them up or shut them out. We label our emotions and wish them away. We judge ourselves for feeling negative and get caught up in secondary negative emotions as a result. Or we react to our emotions and engage in behaviors that don’t serve us well. Often, we do both.

We can also do the same to others. I know that for a long time, I would get quite visibly upset when my children were negative. I would force them to be happy, not realizing that I was actually making them as uncomfortable with negative emotions as I was myself. And then I would feel guilty about being upset, which invariably would lead to a downward spiral of feeling bad about myself. Many of us know this vicious cycle well.

The reality is that the way we feel about our emotions can have a profound impact on our reactions to them. When we label and judge our emotions, we unconsciously engage the sympathetic nervous system and see the negativity as threatening to us. We then either avoid the emotions altogether—the flight response—or we recruit the “seeking system” of the brain from a place of fear. This may mean distracting ourselves, engaging in addictive behaviors, or even taking part in compulsive activities.

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